For a Christian, the choice of a life partner is ultimately God’s prerogative, and He is never late or weary in guiding His children. However, many believers experience marital struggles—some even leading to separation— because they missed it at the point of choice, selecting a partner based on their own desires rather than God’s guidance. When a marriage begins outside God’s will, aligning with His divine purpose can be challenging.
God’s design for Christian marriage extends beyond companionship—it is meant to reflect the sacred union between Christ (the Bridegroom) and His Church (the Bride). Therefore, choosing a spouse is not merely a personal decision but a spiritual one that requires discernment, patience, and complete trust in God’s plan. When God is at the center of the decision, marriage becomes a testimony of His purpose, grace, and divine order.
When the Lord was to institute the first marriage, He declared, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18).
This helper is meant for a brother who is a believer, one who has fellowship with God and a clear vision of his role in God’s vineyard—like Adam in the Garden of Eden. Likewise, a Christian sister should share the same spiritual understanding right before meeting the man. Such a brother and sister can be described as abiding in God’s presence. The union between a couple who aligns with God’s will is blessed, lacking nothing good.
The Test
Just as God tested Adam before providing him with a suitable helper, every Christian brother and sister will also be tested. Adam grew from being alone to having different companions and helpers in the garden. God examines whether one’s affection remains set on Him or shifts toward the companion. Adam’s test illustrates this principle—he started alone but later encountered various companions and helpers in the garden. Let us consider some key lessons from Genesis 2:19-23
- Shared Similarities Do Not Define a Partner
“And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air…” Gen 2:19a
Although the animals shared a common origin with Adam (formed from the dust), he never referred to any of them as “bone of my bone” or “flesh of my flesh.” This highlights the need to choose a partner beyond mere similarities such as tribe, course mate, language, background, or social class.
2. A Test of Affection
“…and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them…” Genesis 2:19b
Just as God brought different animals (companions/helpers) to Adam to see what he would call them, He will also bring various people into your life—through church fellowship, work, or other settings—to see whether your affection remains set on Him or shifts toward them.
3. Naming and Defining Relationships
“…and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.” Genesis 2:19c
Just as Adam identified each creature’s purpose, we must also identify the purpose God brought different people around us and define. We must define the relationships around us clearly, ensuring we do not mislead or manipulate others whom God has brought around us.
Passing the Test
A key requirement for passing God’s test in relationships is spiritual maturity—growing in alignment with God’s purpose. Below are some principles from the bible:
1. Defining All Relationships
Adam did not lust after his companions, even though they shared similarities with him—they were all formed from the ground. He did not mistake any of them for his perfect match. Instead, through his fellowship with God and the leading of the Holy Spirit, he understood God’s design for them and assigned them roles according to God’s purpose.
“And whatever Adam called every living creature, that was its name.” (Genesis 2:19)
Likewise, when God entrusts people into your life, do you help them discover His purpose for them, or do you take advantage of them? Adam did not call the lioness “bone of my bone” or “flesh of his flesh” because he understood her role.
Clearly define all relationships and do not manipulate those God brings into your life for personal marital desires.
2. No Envy
It is a privilege when brothers and sisters who relate with you as singles receive guidance and clarity in discovering God’s purpose. If they later find God’s leading toward each other in marriage, will you rejoice with them or grow envious?
Consider Adam: he named the lion and defined its purpose, then named the lioness and defined hers. When their God-given purposes aligned, they naturally came together as partners. In the same way, can you truly bless others when they receive their God-ordained partners while you are still waiting?
3. Faithfulness
“And whatever Adam called every living creature, that was its name.” (Genesis 2:19).
Can God testify that you have handled relationships faithfully? Did you recognize and affirm the purpose He assigned to the people around you, or did you manipulate relationships for personal or marital gain?
Adam did not resent God, complaining, “Lord, when will You give me my life partner? Why have You made my companions find theirs while I am still alone?” Heaven also did not find Adam guilty of twisting relationships for selfish reasons. Instead, he upheld God’s original design and imprinted it upon the lives of those entrusted to him.
4. At Rest in God
“And Adam gave names to all creatures…, but for Adam, there was no help found for him.” (Genesis 2:20)
Adam remained at peace, fully engaged in the work God had assigned him. He did not grow weary or discouraged halfway through naming the animals simply because his own “bone of bone and flesh of flesh” had not yet appeared. Instead, he trusted that God would work things out in His perfect time.
Are you anxious because you have not yet found a spouse? Be at rest! Adam’s heart was genuinely consumed with God’s work, and it is impossible to be fully consumed in God while also being restless about finding a life partner. Focus solely on God, and in His time, He will reward your faithfulness with the right person.
5. The Deep Sleep and the missing piece
“And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam.” (Genesis 2:21)
It is in a state of rest—complete trust in God’s purpose—that He can perform His divine work – “spiritual surgery” in us. Just as Adam had to be put into a deep sleep for God to take a bone from his side and form the woman, we must also surrender and be at peace in God’s will for Him to shape His plans for our lives. When we are restless and not aligned with God’s will, we may find ourselves having wandering thoughts towards the opposite sex, driven by the desires of the flesh rather than God’s divine intention.
However, the true outcome of this spiritual deep sleep is a profound awareness of incompleteness—not born out of lust, but out of a heavenly necessity. For those whom God has ordained for marriage, there comes a genuine realization of a missing piece, a space that only a God-ordained partner can fill. This aligns with God’s own declaration: “It is not good for man to be alone.”
6. Divine Identification – Bone of Bone and Flesh of Flesh
The woman God created for Adam was not formed from the ground like the animals but from his side. This signifies that she shared the same spiritual maturity and growth as Adam. If she had been made from the ground, she would have been at a different level of development, creating a gap in the spiritual understanding of God’s purpose.
This principle is evident in Isaac and Rebekah, who individually received the same blessing before coming together in marriage:
“A father and mother of thousands of millions, and their seed shall possess the gates of their enemies.” (Genesis 22:17; 24:60)
Even in marriage, spiritual alignment remains essential. Abraham, through his faith journey, grew into his new identity as Abraham (father of nations) from Abram. Likewise, for Sarah to fully carry the weight of his calling, she also had to grow in faith—her name changed from Sarai to Sarah (mother of nations).
As Matthew Henry beautifully explains:
“She was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.”
Marriage, as ordained by God, is a union of two individuals walking in the same spiritual direction, sharing the same purpose, and growing together in faith.
7. Personal Relationship with God
Just as Adam and his wife had a personal communion with God before coming together, each individual must first know God before knowing their partner. This highlights the importance of a personal relationship with God as the foundation for a thriving union. When only one partner has a relationship with God, the marriage may face strain and challenges, but when both are rooted in Him, their fellowship together is strengthened.
8. He Who Finds a Wife Finds a Good Thing
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22, ESV)
When God brought the woman to Adam, he declared, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” The phrase “this is now” suggests that Adam had previously observed his companions—seeing that they all had their pairs—yet he did not find one suitable for him. However, he did not allow this realization to cause desperation, frustration, or deviation from God’s purpose. He remained steadfast in his assignment, neither leaving God’s vineyard nor attempting to force companionship with other “bones or flesh” – animals.
Adam was at rest, waiting on God to bring his wife in His perfect timing. When she arrived, there was no confusion—his spirit bore witness that she was the one, for she carried the residue of his spirit, soul, and body. She was not just a companion but the completion of his purpose, a co-heir of the grace of life.
“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7, KJV)
Dear brothers and sisters in the household of God, set your heart and affection on His kingdom. In His perfect time, He will bring your partner to you effortlessly.
9. Her Identity in Him
Adam immediately recognized the woman’s source and nature. Unlike his other companions, she was not formed from the dust but taken from his side. Because of this, he gave her an identity in him—Woman.
This signifies more than just a name; it represents acceptance, understanding, and recognition of a deeper connection. Adam did not choose her based on outward appearance, but on an inner beauty—one that was incorruptible, an extension and reflection of himself made by God. In the same way, godly relationships and marriages should be built on spiritual alignment, purpose, and mutual recognition of God’s design.
Case Study: Isaac and Rebekah
Isaac, like Adam in the Garden of Eden, dwelt in the vineyard of God. He remained steadfast in the inheritance God had promised to his lineage, diligently trusting in Him to preserve it. Even at the age of 40, Isaac was neither desperate nor agitated about finding a life partner. Instead, he abided in God’s presence, dwelling at Lahai-Roi—meaning “the well of the Living One who sees me”—a place symbolic of divine vision into God’s purpose (Genesis 24:62).
Abiding in your personal communion with God, gaining deeper understanding into His purpose for your life is a prerequisite for God to bring to you your life partner.
Despite the absence of his mother’s care and probably the natural longing for companionship, Isaac did not take matters into his own hands. He did not rush into marriage out of pressure or impatience. Rather, it was his father, Abraham, who discerned the right timing for his son to marry.
Abraham sending his servant to find a wife for Isaac is a picture of God the father sending his Holy spirit to earth to pick a bride for His son Jesus Christ. Bro Zac Poonen
In the context of this article, Abraham represents our Heavenly Father, while his servant symbolizes the Holy Spirit. It was the father who initiated the search for a wife, sending his trusted servant to find a suitable helper/partner for Isaac. The Scriptures do not indicate that Isaac was actively involved in this process, yet he likely knew that his father was working to bring him the right wife in God’s perfect time.
Do not be desperate for a life partner, your heavenly Father determines the timing and the design
The servant—acting as a representation of the Holy Spirit—set forth specific criteria for choosing a wife. Remarkably, before he even finished praying, Rebekah arrived and fulfilled every requirement. She was not just another woman coming to the well; she was divinely appointed—Isaac’s bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh.
Let go of your criteria, then God through His Holy Spirit will find His suitable help for you using His own perfect criteria!
Rebekah’s actions demonstrated the preparation (making) God had been doing in her life. Her willingness to serve, her hospitality, and her kind spirit aligned perfectly with the servant’s prayer, confirming that she was God’s chosen partner for Isaac.
Trusting God’s Perfect Plan:
Just as God orchestrated Isaac and Rebekah’s union, He is the perfect matchmaker. Trust God’s yardstick rather than relying solely on personal preferences or societal pressures. Surrender your desires and let God lead you to His best. By silencing your own opinions and remaining open to His will, you allow God to orchestrate a divine connection that aligns with His purpose.
Out of the Ground: Abraham’s Lineage and God’s Choice for Isaac
Abraham’s extended family, including Lot and Nahor, could be considered “out of the ground”—they shared the same lineage and source, descending from Terah. Despite Lot being Abraham’s closest companion, God did not choose a bride for Isaac from his lineage. Instead, He directed Abraham toward Nahor’s household, where Rebekah was found.
One way God demonstrated His faithfulness to Abraham was by revealing His plans in advance—such as the impending destruction of Sodom. This likely deepened Abraham’s understanding of Lot’s spiritual decline
(Read article: https://www.musingonthebible.org/the-lot-in-abrahams-portion/ ). Lot, while dwelling in Sodom, was not multiplying disciples but losing them, as evidenced by the fact that even ten righteous people could not be found in Sodom. This suggests that Lot’s spiritual condition had weakened over time. Although Lot was physically closer to Abraham than Nahor, God, in His divine wisdom, led Abraham to seek a wife for Isaac from Nahor’s lineage instead.
According to Genesis 22:20, Abraham seemed unaware of Nahor’s children. This news about Nahor’s lineage reached Abraham only after he had secured a more certain promise from God—following his test of faith in offering Isaac as a burnt offering.
The Test of Faith and God’s Confirmation
When Abraham obeyed God’s command to sacrifice his son, the angel of the Lord declared:
“Now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your only son, from Me.” (Genesis 22:12)
This act of obedience led to God’s reaffirmation of His covenant: “By Myself I have sworn, says the Lord, because you have done this thing, and have not withheld your son, your only son—blessing I will bless you, and multiplying I will multiply your descendants as the stars of the heaven and as the sand which is on the seashore; and your descendants shall possess the gate of their enemies.” (Genesis 22:16-17).
By passing this ultimate test, Abraham received Isaac back as a figure of Christ (Hebrews 11:17-19). This obedience also positioned him to receive divine guidance on securing a bride for his son. Just as the Heavenly Father offered His only begotten Son to the world, securing a bride (the Church) through His sacrifice, so Abraham, through his act of faith, foreshadowed this divine plan.
God brought Abraham to this point of faith so that he would serve as a shadow of the Heavenly Father—offering his beloved son and, in turn, receiving divine guidance in finding Isaac’s bride. This typology mirrors Christ and the Church, illustrating God’s sovereignty in orchestrating marriage according to His divine purpose.
The Role of Spiritual Elders
An important aspect of divine guidance in marriage is the role of spiritual elders—those whom God has appointed to provide spiritual oversight. Abraham’s servant, acting under divine direction, can be seen as a representation of such elders who offer wisdom, guidance, and confirmation in critical life decisions, including marriage – a discipleship relationship. While they do not make the choice for an individual, they provide counsel, pray, and discern God’s leading to help ensure that decisions align with His will. Seeking and heeding godly counsel is part of walking in divine wisdom (Proverbs 11:14).
Divine Timing and Provision in Isaac and Rebekah’s Union
1. Relocation: God’s Perfect Timing
Nahor’s relocation to Haran (Syria) from Ur of the Chaldees was not a coincidence but a divine orchestration. This move positioned his descendants, including Rebekah, within God’s plan for Isaac’s marriage.
2. Conversion: A Journey of Faith
Nahor and Rebekah’s possible conversion to the true God is evident in Genesis 31:53 ; 24:60, demonstrating how God was working behind the scenes to prepare them for His divine purpose. This transformation was essential for Rebekah to fit into God’s covenant plan with Isaac.
3. The Well Encounter: A Divine Appointment
Rebekah’s visit to the well and her seemingly coincidental meeting with Abraham’s servant was not mere chance. It was a divinely arranged moment, marking her as the one chosen by God. The precision of events confirms that God aligns our paths at the right time for His purposes.
4. Parental Approval and Release
One striking aspect of Rebekah’s marriage was the ease of approval by her family. Despite not having seen Isaac, her parents acknowledged the proposal as God’s will. Even when her family wanted to delay her departure for at least ten days, the servant firmly stated:
“Do not hinder me, since the Lord has prospered my way; send me away so that I may go to my master.” (Genesis 24:56, paraphrased)
Delays from family or external influences are put on hold when we are walking with Jesus in His purpose.
5 Lifting Up of the Eyes:
Isaac, coming from his dwelling at the well Lahairoi, went into the field to meditate in the evening—perhaps reflecting on a vision from God. In that moment of communion with God, he lifted his eyes and saw the camels arriving. Likewise, Rebekah lifted her eyes and saw a man walking toward her.
Both Isaac and Rebekah independently lifted up their eyes at the crucial moment—Isaac saw the camels approaching, and Rebekah saw a man coming toward her. Their upward gaze symbolizes a heart that is trusting and seeking the Lord, aligning with His purpose. For the children of God, lifting up one’s eyes signifies a life focused on pursuing God’s will and meditating on His promises.
Seeking further understanding and confirmation, she turned to the servant for counsel—symbolizing the role of the Holy Spirit and spiritual elders in providing guidance.
Lifting our eyes to God—trusting in Him, seeking His guidance, and receiving further counsel and confirmation from spiritual elders He has placed over us—positions us to recognize His divine provision, including the right life partner.
6. Sarah’s Tent: A Symbol of Comfort and Continuity
Isaac brought Rebekah into the tent of his mother, Sarah, and he was comforted. This act signifies the seamless integration of a God-ordained marriage into the existing family structure (parent and siblings) – Acceptance into the Family. When God chooses a spouse for you, there will be harmony—your partner will be a perfect fit, carrying grace, care, and capacity that complement and strengthen the family (parents and siblings).
Continuity of Grace and Care– A divinely ordained marriage does not create a conflict between the love for one’s parents and the love for one’s spouse. Instead, it will carry the same or even greater capacity of love, care, and grace as your parents, ensuring harmony between your marriage and your family relationships, just as Rebekah’s arrival filled the void left by Sarah’s passing.
Abiding in God’s presence and serving Him remains a fundamental prerequisite for receiving His best. When you keep your eyes on God and trust in His timing, He will orchestrate your steps and provide a spouse that aligns perfectly with His purpose for your life.
Case Study: Jacob and His Wives
Unlike Isaac, Jacob did not fully submit to God as his Lord, but he was only religious. He did not abide in God’s presence at Bethel—the land of promise—but instead relied on his own wisdom to seek a wife. Rather than trusting in God’s provision, Jacob acted in self-sufficiency, pursuing marriage through human effort.
Because he was not bearing Jesus’s yoke (Matt 11:28-29), not following Him, and not serving Him, Jacob became entangled in a yoke of hardship – yoke of worldliness. He spent 20 years in a foreign land, away from God’s inheritance for him, laboring under difficult conditions—14 years working for a wife (Hosea 12:12) and six years for cattle (wealth). His wages were changed ten times (Genesis 31:41), illustrating the struggles of a man walking outside God’s perfect plan. This is often the fate of a religious brother or sister who does not make the Lord their God, failing to trust Him or serve His purpose. Such individuals risk wasting their youthfulness and resourcefulness on vain pursuits that ultimately bring frustration and emptiness – “a contentious Rachael”.
Do not waste your youthfulness and resourcefulness serving the world, chasing after a life partner through human effort and worldly wisdom. Just as Jacob spent years laboring under Laban in hardship, many people today toil in pursuit of marriage, relying on their own understanding rather than trusting in God. But this approach is like chasing shadows—it will ultimately fade away, leaving behind exhaustion and disappointment.
When a person rushes into marriage due to parental pressure, societal expectations, or personal desires—rather than waiting on God—they are more likely to make the wrong choice (Read article: Transactional Marriage: A Costly Bargain). Jacob’s experience serves as a cautionary example of how self-reliance in marital decisions can lead to unnecessary hardship.
So, do not labor in vain. Do not allow anxiety, societal pressure, or desperation to lead you into making decisions outside of God’s will. Instead, fix your eyes on Jesus, serve Him wholeheartedly, and let Him write your love story. When you trust God with your future, He will exceed your expectations and establish a marriage that glorifies Him.
“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33, NKJV)
By contrast, Jacob’s father, Isaac, did not toil for a wife. Instead, he remained in God’s presence, while his father, Abraham—symbolizing the Heavenly Father—entrusted the search to a faithful servant, who can be seen as a representation of the Holy Spirit and spiritual elders. Isaac found his wife at the place of meditation on God’s vision, a stark contrast to Jacob’s struggle.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
(Proverbs 3:5-6, ESV)
Jacob’s journey eventually led him back to Bethel, where he had to start afresh in understanding God’s purpose. On his way, he purified his household, cleansing them from idolatry and spiritual impurities. Only after returning to God’s presence did he experience true blessing. When his obedience was complete, God avenged every disobedience—marked by the passing of his contentious wife, Rachel.
Conclusion: Trusting God’s Sovereignty in Choosing a Life Partner
The biblical narratives of Isaac, Rebekah, Jacob, and others reveal the importance of trusting God in the journey toward marriage. Isaac rested in God’s presence, and his wife was divinely brought to him. In contrast, Jacob’s self-reliance led him into years of unnecessary toil and hardship. These stories emphasize that marriage is not just about personal desires or external pressures but about fulfilling God’s divine plan.
A life partner is not merely a personal choice but a divine provision, carefully crafted by God for those who surrender their desires and trust in Him. When we walk in His will—lifting our eyes to Him, seeking His counsel, and abiding in His presence—we position ourselves to receive His best.
God is not just the matchmaker; He is the architect of every godly union. When you prioritize your personal relationship with Him, He will guide you into a marriage that aligns with His perfect will, bringing fulfillment, purpose, and His divine blessing. Isaac and Rebekah’s union was not a product of human effort but a well-orchestrated divine arrangement. Each step—from relocation, conversion, a providential meeting, parental approval, and mutual spiritual discernment—reveals how God leads those who trust in Him.
Resting in God’s Timing
“I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2, NIV)
This story encourages us to walk in faith, trust in divine timing, and seek God’s purpose—for in doing so, He will direct our paths. A marriage rooted in God’s plan is not just a union between two people but a fulfillment of His divine purpose—mirroring Christ and the Church.
A Call to Trust in God
Dear brother or sister, God is calling you into a personal relationship with Him. Rest in Him, pursue His purpose, and He will give you rest for your soul. If marriage is His plan for you, He will provide a spouse at the right time—without unnecessary struggle. Instead of striving in your own strength, seek first His kingdom, and trust that He will guide you through His Spirit and through the counsel of spiritual elders into His perfect will, including in the choice of a life partner.
May we lift up our eyes to God, seek His direction, and trust Him to lead us into His perfect will. Amen
